Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
