No, drunk sperm still make babies.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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