My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
