I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
