well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what day is it and did you see me today?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
