I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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