C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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