I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
