I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I want a musical about memes.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
