seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
