totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize