u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
