My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
