i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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