the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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