Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize