theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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