I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Randomize
