Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
