That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
be right there i have to get my cape
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
