she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
