I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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