Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
