i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
