I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
