He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Drunk is a universal language darling
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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