its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
