Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have feelings that need drinking.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
