Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize