The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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