If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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