I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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