you guys were way drunker than both of me
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
