Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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