My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
you inspire me to be a worse person
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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