This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Randomize
