ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
