About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
