had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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