I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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