i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
