Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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