watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize