he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
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