Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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