i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
