Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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