We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
