do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
