you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
