Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
