cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
