Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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