He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How external is "for external use only"?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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