May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize