just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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