so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
