What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
