apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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