Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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