so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
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