they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
