Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think my moral compass just broke
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
