i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
