Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
