Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
