I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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