ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
