Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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