I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
