Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I touched a dick in church today
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
