you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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