sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
