She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
